Jeff Foxworthy mastered the “You might be a redneck…” joke format, and has used it for decades. Today we take some inspiration from his format and apply it with some levity to the real estate market.

If your buyer is using FHA/USDA financing and your house is shedding paint faster than a Husky in Houston… You might not be closing. FHA/USDA/VA have strict rules on peeling paint - even if you have a newer home. If exterior wood surfaces should have covering to protect them, they’ll need to be scraped and painted to pass these minimum standards.

If your buyer is financing their loan, but the foundation is shakier than Evander Holyfield getting an ear exam from Mike Tyson…. You might not be closing. Banks want to know that the collateral (your home) will have at least 30 years of life left.

If your home has unfinished construction/remodeling that even the Clampetts would turn up their noses… you might not be closing. We get it, your home is going to be amazing… once it has a floor and working plumbing. Appraisers are skilled in the art of seeing what isn’t there yet (we have to do it all the time for new construction loans) but many lenders get worried about lending 100% of the money on 50% of a house.

If you priced your 1 bedroom shack based on the mansion down the street because “location, location, location,” … you might not be closing. Location is important, but so is looking at a home like a buyer.

If you did all of the work yourself… without pulling any permits… you might not be closing. If construction has been performed that requires permits by your local municipality, many lenders will have a lot of extra questions.

If you dug for oil but hit the septic tank… you might not be closing. Active environmental hazards need to be addressed before the lender will write a loan.